In the mental health milieu, there are about a bajillion different tests and scales that can measure everything from emotional symptoms, to substance abuse problems, to personality traits. Most of these tests involve paper and pencil (or the occasional ink blot), but I’ve recently started thinking – what if they involved sandwiches?
I’ll pause for a moment to let that sink in.
Imagine yourself walking into your kitchen, hungry for a sammich. You go to the fridge and push aside the expired yogurt in order to get to the lunchmeat. Or maybe you simply pull a jar of peanut butter out of the cabinet. You put your fillings of choice between two slices of fresh carbs, and then step back to briefly admire your handiwork.
What does that sandwich say about you? What does it reveal about your personality?
Maybe your answer is: “Nothing. It reveals nothing.”
But maybe you’re wrong.
Clearly, formal research needs to be done on this subject. I picture myself in a white lab coat, sitting behind a two-way mirror while my research subject is on the other side, perusing a table of sandwich ingredients.
I’d take careful notes while the subject assembles their sandwich. When they make a mustard smiley face on the bread, I’d nod thoughtfully and make a note on my legal pad. Just as I suspected – subject is whimsical and child-like.
Even if my research didn’t return any significant results (which is doubtful, because this idea is genius), at the end of the day, the subjects and I will be able to EAT the results. It’s really a win-win.
Although I haven’t yet performed this research, I’ve developed a few hypotheses about what personality traits might be revealed by one’s choice of sandwich ingredients. Scroll down the list to find your favorite sandwich (or the one you make most often), and see how well the personality description matches you.
Note: Please do not make any drastic relationship or career changes based on the results of this personality test. There’s a very tiny chance that I could be wrong.
BLT – You lead a very busy life – so busy, that you don’t have enough time to say this sandwich’s full name. You’re stable and secure, but you also know how to have a little fun. BACON fun.
Turkey with nothing but a little mayo or mustard – You dislike loud music and fast cars, and enjoy reading anthropology books in your spare time. People call you by the wrong name a lot.
Tuna or egg-salad – The ultimate rebel: you know your food smells, but you don’t give a rat’s ass what other people think about it. You believe in living life loud and proud.
Ham & cheese – You’re trustworthy and an old soul; you have an appreciation for oldies music, and you’re considering taking up knitting.
Peanut butter & jelly – Your life is falling apart, and the only thing you have left are the comfort foods from your childhood. Keep calm and sandwich on.
Grilled cheese – You are a people-pleaser who chooses comfort and safety over taking risks. You’re probably best friends or in a relationship with a PB&J fan.
Bologna – You’re extremely laid-back and hate anything that seems pretentious or uppity. Like dentists. You’re PROUD to eat on-sale mystery meat.
Fancy ingredients (lobster, pesto, sprouts, etc) – You have too much time and money on your hands, so you spend both on sandwich fillings. You probably don’t get along well with the bologna crowd.
Veggie only – You’re concerned about the environment and your health, though not as much as the people just eating salads. You also drive a hybrid, and you’re into yoga and meditating.
Multiple meats (turkey, ham, salami, etc) – You’re insecure in your masculinity, and need a sandwich to show just how much of man you are. When you eat, you puff up your chest and say things like, “I didn’t kill these animals myself, but I totally could have.”
So, tell me – which sandwich did you pick? How well (or not well) did the descriptions match up with your personality? Be warned, I may use your results in my formal research study, which I’m totally going to do maybe.