6 Sort-of-Smart Things I Do Sometimes

smartchimp

In the past few months of running this blog, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of poking fun at myself and the not-so-smart decisions I occasionally make. Think of my blog as an exercise in humility.

Now that I’ve thoroughly described some massively poor choices, I feel the need to list some of my good decisions in order to balance things out.

That’s how life works, right?

You can make as many bad decisions as you want, as long as you make an equal number of good decisions. For example, it’s fine if you smuggle cocaine across the Canadian border – IF you follow it up by helping an old woman cross the street.

The bad decision is just… erased.

And if you help two old ladies cross the street? Well, then, you’re basically a saint.

However, you have to be careful about the number of smart choices you make. Too many will make you seem like an overachiever or a martyr – like someone who wants to make everyone else look bad. No one wants that, so keep on doing dumb stuff! And then redeem yourself again by doing good stuff. The cycle continues.

As an example, here are some decently intelligent things that I do. Think of it as an exercise in redemption:

  • I pay my bills as soon as they come in.
  • I’ve never once kidnapped an animal, no matter how cute it was, or how much I wanted to.
  • I replace the toilet paper when it runs out at work.
  • I always eat a sensible dinner before I plan to devour an entire chocolate cake.
  • I always call 911 to report dangerous grass fires. I’ve technically only seen one, but that’s still a perfect record.
  • Sometimes I eat vegetables.

That’s it. That’s all I can think of. I’m convinced that I do other smart stuff, but this is all I can come up with for now.

What weird decisions have you made in the past? What good choices have helped redeem you? Let us know in a comment, or if you’re a blogger and you’ve made a post about a good or bad decision before, feel free to leave a link to it! 🙂

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26 thoughts on “6 Sort-of-Smart Things I Do Sometimes

      1. It’s an unforgivable sin, I know. That’s why it was so hard to confess. The only thing I can do is move on and hope that helping little old ladies across the street will help.

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  1. Steve

    I don’t know that there are enough old ladies or streets that need crossing to erase roughly 64.5% of the decisions I made in my early 20s. Some involved alcohol, others I was stone sober, but most involved the words I dare you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a very precise percentage of shitty decision-making. I like it, and now I’m curious what you’ve done. If the old lady thing isn’t enough redemption, maybe you could find a kitten stuck in a tree? Or maybe give up the last slice of pizza to someone else? I feel like that’d be worth some points.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sure I’ve done enough dumb things in my life, but the latest one was when I was in charge of food when we went camping. I brought potatoes, but no knife and no way to keep any partially consumed food. Had to chuck the potatoes and eat a pound of sausage instead. Wups. Ah well, we hiked for like 5 miles after, so I’m sure I burned it off.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I cracked up when I read this, because I did something similar on a camping trip. It was someone’s birthday, so I went through the trouble of making a cake and bringing Tupperware and paper plates for it, but then forgot forks. People were having to pick it up with their fingers. Such a mess! I guess it’s all part of the camping experience, huh? Haha. And now potatoes and sausage sound really good to me!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You replace toilet paper at work? That’s very nice. Good job.

    I’ve *almost* never kidnapped an animal. There was this one time when a mean lady at the pound wouldn’t let me adopt a kitten because it wasn’t the right time window, and the kitten was set to be euthanized–I was worried no one would get her in time.

    Tried to stuff the kitten into my backpack, but the mean lady was watching me.

    So I memorized the card info and cooked up a scheme with my friend to call in, looking for a cat of that description, found in that area. It worked.

    Lately though, I think the most responsible adult thing I do is change a nasty diaper, even when I know my husband will be here really soon. Unless he’s actually walking in the door. That’s when the duties change hands.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a strange restriction on animal adoptions! I’m glad you went through so much effort to make sure kitty got a good home. That kitty didn’t later became The Great Frodo, did it? 😉 That’d be quite a story ! “Woman Saves Cat, Which Turns Out to be Magical.”

      Voluntarily changing an icky diaper when you could have chosen to wait is super adult!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is. I wonder if pound policies vary by state?

        That was not Frodo, but she was one of the best kitties ever. She would let me put a leash on her and hang out on coffee shop patios with me.

        Thanks, haha. Changing diapers is not the best part of parenting (though better than you’d expect. Kind of like how cleaning up your own puke is better than someone else’s–your own kid’s diapers are a little less nasty, but still nasty).

        I *will* admit to sometimes checking my watch after hearing demonic gurgling from my kid’s butt.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Happy Birthday, Just in Queso! – Just in Queso

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