Ten Truths Behind the Lie

If you were to call or text me on a Sunday morning and ask what I’m up to, the answer would probably be, “Oh, not much.” Or, “Just watching TV.” But that response would usually be a lie.

I’m often doing something somewhat more riveting, but I fear that the truth would frighten you away, so I give a generic and bland response.  The downside of answering this way is that you might think I’m dull and uneventful, but at least you don’t question my mental stability. I call that a win.

In the interest of being more honest, I will now come clean to you all about my Sunday morning lie. If I were to answer your question about my activities more truthfully, my response could look like any one of these:

1. “Eating cinnamon toast in my underwear.”

2. “Lying in bed, looking at Twitter, and making eagle noises.”

3. “Trying to get pancake syrup out of my pajama top.”

4. “Singing ‘She’ll be Coming ‘Round the Mountain’ with a gravelly, Louis-Armstrong-like warble.”

5. “Facebook-stalking myself. I’m really quite fascinating.”

6. “Meowing to the tune of the ‘The Waltz of the Sugar Plum Fairy.’”

7. “Reading a book in a British accent.”

8. “Making up a song about chickens.”

9. “Watching a Youtube video of a golden retriever playing the drums. He’s better on the cow bell.”

10. “Trying to get pancake syrup out of my sock. Don’t ask.”

You may have noticed that most of my Sunday morning festivities involve either food, or making some sort of obnoxious sound. That observation is completely accurate. Pigging out and being annoying are two of the many perks of living alone.

Anyway, if I were to text YOU on a Sunday morning and ask what you were up to, what kind of reply would I get? Do you spend time with family? Go on an early-morning jog? Eat foods drenched in syrup?

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