5 Antidotes for Road Rage

In early January, I left my agency counselor job in order to pursue new adventures in private practice. Although I’ve been working in Austin, I’ve continued to live in the same rural town about 45 minutes outside of the city, mainly because the expenses are a kajillion times cheaper.

Did you just Google Map Austin to try and figure out where I live? What. A. Stalker.

For all the money I’ve gained by staying in a cheaper area, I’ve probably lost an equal amount of my sanity from making this commute every day. Thankfully, we’re not talking about highway rush hour gridlock here. Instead, I’m forced to make the journey on an open, winding highway with scenic views of the Texas Hill Country – complete with lakes, rivers, and newly budding wildflowers.

It’s just as awful as it sounds.

Okay, I can grudgingly admit that the commute is actually quite lovely. Most days, I can enjoy it on my drive into work. But when I’ve had a full day of clients and networking, I couldn’t care less about the views. I just want to go home.

And all of these other drivers, on their slow, scenery-enjoying drives, are making me feel a little … irrational.

Let’s put it this way: if it were possible to murder people with only your thoughts, I’d be a serial killer by now.

I’m excited to say that this problem will not be a problem much longer, as I’m moving to Austin at the end of this month! Woo hoo! However, it’s still a problem now, and I recognize that my road-rage-induced stress is not doing great things for me. Therefore, I’ve been trying to think of ways that I can improve the commute so that I feel a little less murdery.

These are the ideas I’ve come up with so far:

Antidote 1: Take a moment to actually appreciate the scenery

roadrage1.jpg

Only problem: My appreciation for beauty is destroyed by my rage. Fuck off, flowers!

Antidote 2: Channel my frustrations into a rap song

roadrage2

Only problem: Hard to write when my hands are on the wheel. Also, not a good rapper.

Antidote 3: Keep a vat of melted cheese nearby as a comforting snack

 roadrage3

Only problem: Unlike most cars, my car does not contain a built-in crockpot. Or, as I like to call it, a Cheese Keeper Warmer.

Antidote 4: Assign background stories to my fellow highway travelers.

Maybe the huge red pickup with oversize tires belongs to a sweet-faced, hot-cocoa-making grandmother who’s on her way to bridge club. Meanwhile, the purple junked-out minivan belongs to… I don’t know, Matthew McConaughey.

roadrage4

Only problem: Thinking of McConaughey reminds me of his Lincoln commercials, which I hate. I want to know what drugs the writers were using when they wrote his lines.

Antidote 5: Turn it into a drinking game (for once I get home).

I can have a sip of wine every time one of the following occurs during the commute:

  • I have thoughts about the other drivers that are aggressive and/or not in keeping with my career as a mental health professional.
  • Someone pulling to the side of the road so they can take pictures of their dogs romping around in the wildflowers.
  • Someone not moving from the passing lane, despite going ten miles under the speed limit.
  • Someone driving a gigantic automobile that’s clearly meant to compensate for non-gigantic body parts.

roadrage5

Only problem: None. This is genius. Off to buy some wine.

On a less-goofy note, I have actually found some luck with a couple of podcasts – This American Life and NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. If you’ve got other suggestions for podcasts (preferably humorous ones!), I’m all ears 🙂

 

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26 thoughts on “5 Antidotes for Road Rage

      1. I feel like I should Google that right now. The wonders of the internet. I don’t drive, but I can totally relate to this post. My father has really bad road rage. My husband’s flares up from time to time as well. All the best and have a great week.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, my car is SO lame. Road trips with you must be amazing 😉. Even a car I’d melted chocolate would be good – I could eat it with a spoon.

      How is it that we’ve landed a man in the moon but we don’t yet have cinnamon-roll-making devices? Where are our priorities?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I caved and bought Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop Tarts today. I wasn’t sure what to expect… but they were truly a lovely mix of vanilla and coffee flavors. I should never buy those again. Because I will eat them all…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m that way with pop tarts too – blueberry is my fav. Now and then I’ll buy and box and eat Every. Single. One. over the course of a wknd. Even just talking about them has me tempted to go pick some up. What do they put in those things to make them so addicting?? Crack?!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Same here. The other day in a (PMS-induced) haze, I bought a crap ton of chocolate eggs – filled with marshmallow, peanut butter, chocolate creme, a whole variety. I had grand plans of taking it home and eating ALL of it, but fortunately I didn’t take it quite that far. Still – I fascinate myself with how much I can put away at times. Lol!

        Liked by 1 person

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